Caveman files patent for the Wheel

STOCKHOLM: A 50,000-year old caveman recently found embedded in ice has filed a patent application for the wheel. He claims that he invented the ubiquitous device fifty millennia ago while chasing a squirrel down a hill. When he was defrosted in early April of 2008, biologists around the world were stunned by the fact that the caveman was still breathing, let alone aware of his rights and willing to pursue legal recourse to defend them.

The obviously resourceful cave-dweller, christened 'Leslie' by the admiring research team assigned to him, astonished the world further by mastering the intricacies of speech in just over a year. His first words were reportedly 'Me go by Grok. Leslie gay'. However, the oldest living human being had another thunderbolt up his sleeve.

On Monday, the newly reborn troglodyte, in a press conference, demanded intellectual property rights for his supposed invention of the wheel. Grok stated that during his short trips outside the laboratory that had become his temporary lodging, he had noticed countless unauthorised uses of his invention. He professed himself deeply hurt by the experience. However, he declared, he was not hurt enough to forget and forgive. In a move that has left the world flabbergasted, Grok, with the help of a team of lawyers assigned by his lab, filed a patent application for the invention of 'the Whirling Hand-made Equipment for Elliptical Locomotion', or the WHEEL.

Meanwhile, policy-makers and businessmen have called the revelation outrageous and denied the possibility that Grok would ever be granted the patent.

When asked to make a statement, the CEO of General Motors said, "It's a farce worthy of those Area 51 morons. That's the last time I laughed as hard as this". Observers reported that the vein protruding from his left temple as he said this did indicate that he had been laughing rather explosively.

In an exclusive interview with the Loony Bean, our celebrity caveman asserted that he had made the future-altering discovery while in pursuit of a rodent of the genus Sciurus whom he labelled 'exceedingly pesky' down a hill at the age of 32. We quizzed him about the exact circumstances of the find. A transcript of the interview is included here:

Interviewer: Could you introduce yourself for our readers, please?

Grok: Me Grok. Me make wheel.

Interviewer: Mr. Grok, let's get straight to business. Your claim is nothing less than sensational. The wheel, as I'm sure you've been informed, has become an indispensable tool for the survival of mankind. Several would-be celebrities have already made similar attempts to patent the coveted invention. All of their claims have been discredited. What makes you think your application will be accepted?

Grok: Grok come from cave. Wheel come from cave.

Interviewer: A valid point, Mr. Grok, but how do you propose to convince the world of the veracity of your statements?

Grok: Grok speak logic. Grok beg judge. Then Grok get club. Work with mammoth, work with man.

Interviewer: Erm, yes. Could you tell us about your moment of inspiration?

Grok: Grok chase Chippa down big hill. Me not see bad tree-trunk in way. Grok step on trunk and rrroooollll (Draws a circle in the air). Grok no catch Chippa. Grok break bones, but Grok learn.

Interviewer: Remarkable. I'm afraid we're rather pressed for screen space. Mr. Grok, would you care to send our readers a message?

Grok: Keep read Loony-bee. It have good shit.

Interviewer: Thank you, Mr Grok. We at the Loony Bean wish you success in your search for scientific justice.

The potential ramifications of Grok's application, if accepted, may well plunge the world into yet another economic crisis. There is hardly an industry today that does not use the wheel in some form or another, and if the patent is accepted, they'd all owe the caveman royalties. Grok, on the other hand, is all-set to lead a highly comfortable second life.

(Disclaimer: Any actual laws related to this have been happily disregarded in this post. I don't know the first thing about patent law, and I don't intend to learn :P)

29 spilt beans:

Anonymous July 15, 2009 at 9:17 PM  


You just keep getting better and better. Good work with the photoshop tools, and the concept was just ACES!

BTW, Grok and Chippa? Seriously?! :P

Just for the record, if this was actually true, is that how a caveman would look? You know just for future references.

Oh, wait a minute. This is really a true story, isn't it? :|

Cabin-boy Dave July 15, 2009 at 9:30 PM  

Thanks, Anamika! :D

I thought 'Grok' was just adorable! Lol, I have no idea how a real caveman would look - the one in the picture is someone called the 'Geico' caveman, in a TV ad series for an insurance company of the same name.

Does it really sound true? I'll take that as a compliment :P

IcE MaiDeN July 15, 2009 at 9:35 PM  

heheheh!!! good shit!! Hell yeah!! :P :D
Chippa seems inspired from Chip n Dale eh? :P :D

N no knwledge abt Patent Laws.. lolz. wait for 8th Sem !!! :P :D Or whnever it is ull hav System Security :P :D

Good one. :)


Archana July 16, 2009 at 8:18 AM  

Lol the Geico commercial guy! He used to freak me out. My friend even dressed as him for Halloween. :P He didn't have to make too much of an effort, just added a fake beard, lol.

Anyway, fun read! And nice bit of Photoshop-ing there. :)

Cabin-boy Dave July 16, 2009 at 8:36 AM  

@ Annie:

I'm glad you see eye to eye with Grok about the Loony Bean :)

Yep, 'Chippa' did come from Chip n' Dale. I wanted to make him a chipmunk first.

OMG. We have to learn that stuff? :O

@ Archana:

Lol, your friends certianly sound fun :P

Heh, this is the first time I've managed to not screw up things terribly in Photoshop :) Boo-yah!

Jinxed Pixie July 16, 2009 at 2:28 PM  

where do you get such wonderful ideas from?

WinGMaker July 16, 2009 at 3:59 PM  

@ Dave (The reporter who didn't have his breakfast!!) :

The G8 and G5 countries were in consultation with me, and there is severe pressure from the Russia not to issue the patent.

Since Gork comes from Northern Europe there is still a controversy if those parts came under the control of Caucasus (Russia) in the olden days.

Some other delegates claimed wheel to be Mesopotamian while some said it was invented in the bronze age.

The British delegate claimed that a certain Pirate Jack Sparrow was the person who discovered the different uses of his ship's wheel when deserted at the world's end!

Gork, the goon, i mean the ice man is being shifted to Area 51 where he will undergo Carbon-14 testing along with the remains of oldest wheel man has ever found.
If the Carbon-14 results give us a difference in age between Gork and the wheel as somewhere around 32, we will have a go on the patenting.

If the Patenting and IPR issue should happen i would regret to say that Gork would be the most technically sound and financially stable and oldest eligible bachelor in the world!

Gork is also undergoing tests at my research center running @ Area 51!The testing is to find his longevity and reason for his complex intellect!

My very beautiful research assistant,(ex-medical officer and a blonde) finally cracked the real meaning of the name Gork!

Gork == God alone really knows!

:) 8)

Tickled pink July 17, 2009 at 10:18 PM  

Wo ho ho ho....ho..ho..
Aneev please... I'll really crack my skull.
Where do you get these ideas????
I also don't know much about this patent law phenomenon but if it is like this then sure I'll start google searching about it to get some more laughs.
But I guess for that I only need to visit your site.
take care

Aw.S.M July 18, 2009 at 3:02 AM  

Ma man..u r truly AwSM...i m glad u dropped by my blog a month or so back coz i have to say with every post u get better and better. Therz some serious talent in u bro :)

Oh and chip n dale were like my fav cartoon so i m kinda sure chippa is a take off on chip :).

The amount of effort u put into ur blog is admirable..good stuff bro


Cabin-boy Dave July 18, 2009 at 11:19 AM  

@ Jinxed Pixie: I have this crystal ball I can see my future posts in.

Keep visiting :)

@ WinGMaker:

Grok has just heard of your comment on his interview, and is rather displeased with you for mispelling his name.

"Gork dorky! Me Grok. GROK!" he is said to have positively growled.

In fact, he has stated unequivocally that he shall refuse to submit to the authority of any country that cannot pronounce his name.

Kudos to your research assistant at Area 51 though. Please tell her I'd like to er... congratulate her personally :P

Cabin-boy Dave July 18, 2009 at 11:26 AM  

@ Abhilasha:

I think up this stuff in my 'Object Oriented Modelling and Design' lectures. Talk about a world of fun :|

Thanks for reading :)

@ Amith:

Wow, thanks! Coming from someone with posts as Aw.S.M. as yours, that means a lot :)

I'm really happy you like my posts, and keep reading :D

IcE MaiDeN July 18, 2009 at 4:51 PM  

well, they hav a nice scoring chap on Patents and Trademarks blahblah... boring stuff, bt as all boring thngs, can fake ur way thru it :P :D

N chip n dale was my favvv too!!! :) :) Ryt after Alladin :)


WinGMaker July 18, 2009 at 5:07 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
WinGMaker July 18, 2009 at 5:12 PM  

@ Dave:
Grok, Gork or Gaboon...The countries is all set to sent their top covert ops in a recon and strike mission against the iceman for the "INFLAMMATORY STATEMENTS ISSUED"

The UP government in India is ready to issue a state sponsored death warrant for the Iceman

US has issued a DEFCON Delta against the iceman...

and well..i was reading the report from my assistant and when i inquired about the mistake, she said that she would love to call the iceman Gork..or rather Gorky..coz its her research and her IPR!

And when i gave her your congratulations...she responded with the same cold frigid look i used to get from my grad-class girls...

Grok...I am really sorry for myself and my assistant in misspelling your name.
Our deepest apologies!

Tickled pink July 18, 2009 at 10:15 PM  

I have left my comment on your second last post too which I had missed.
And hey your comment is also awaited on my last post.
take care

Sandy (chek my blog!) July 19, 2009 at 4:00 PM  

ROLF! I don't know whr u come up with these cool ideas, but keep them coming.

Btw, good photoshop work :)

Simon July 19, 2009 at 5:53 PM  

Of course if Grok were to die in a tragic accident – a fall beneath the wheels of a moving train, for example – then we would all mourn the loss of his case— er, his life.

the girl with the pink teacup July 20, 2009 at 6:24 AM  

One wonders if Grok's cousin, Grük, will be filing a similar claim for infringements on his own patented invetion: fire.

Keshi July 20, 2009 at 6:44 AM  

I think Cavemen r HOT ;-)

LOL @ur post! too funny!


Blue Moon July 20, 2009 at 7:36 AM  

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Keep up the GOOD WORK……..
Do visit my blog, as your comments r really precious.

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Cabin-boy Dave July 20, 2009 at 4:56 PM  

@ WinGMaker:

I'm afraid Grok has diplomatic immunity where he's staying at the moment. Any death-strike would be ill-advised.

Lol, the icy stare of death sounds familiar. Keep trying, mate :P

@ Abhilasha: I'm sorry I almost missed your last post. I guess I kind of lost track of things because of my classes. I promise I'll be a more regular reader now :) *puppy eyes*

@ Sandy: What else do I have to do with my time, dude? And thanks for the charitable comment on my Photoshop skills :P

@ Simon:

It's funny you should mention that. A few men in dark suits did offer to take Grok for a train ride to some place called 'Bonesville' in case he failed to withdraw his case.

Welcome to the Loony Bean.

@ the girl:

I hear Grük filed his claim a while ago, but it was rejected because he couldn't demonstrate exactly how he had made the discovery. He complained later that the flint you get these days just isn't what it used to be when he was a caveling.

@ Keshi: Cavemen are indeed hot, especially when they're dressed to kill. Erm... you didn't hear me say that.

@ Manjari: Wow, you do know how to flatter me. A pleasure to have you here as always!

Sandy (chek my blog!) July 20, 2009 at 6:13 PM  

Lol the comment on your photoshop skills was not charitable, it was well deserved. :)

JennyMac July 20, 2009 at 8:42 PM  

This is the banter. And they took that Geico ad and actually turned it into a television show...too bad it got cancelled, they could have used your mad stylings.

Lola Lakely July 21, 2009 at 2:10 AM  

Is Grok single?

Keshi July 21, 2009 at 3:06 PM  

HAHA very 'punny'...nice!


Cabin-boy Dave July 21, 2009 at 5:41 PM  

@ JennyMac:

Thanks! I'd love to work on my own television show. Oh well, I guess the blog kind of makes up for it...

@ Lola:

Cavemen usually had to get hitched by the age of fifteen to keep the race going, so I'm guessing Grok isn't available :P

@ Keshi: Thanks, but I wouldn't know a pun if someone handed me one on a plate :P

Disguise July 24, 2009 at 3:42 PM  

I just blog skipped, and I loved what I saw :D


ronnygeo July 26, 2009 at 6:27 PM  

Hehehe... Nice work man.. G8 photoshopping... :D.. lol..

Kaddu August 16, 2009 at 12:24 PM  

Ohh! I still haven't been able to decide whether this was purely fictional or fiction based on facts or... erm... never mind! :p
Some imagination btw! Where did u get such fitting pics though?

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A thoroughly confused blogger with imagined Multiple Personality Disorder and delusions of usefulness. Yeah, he has issues.